I was complimented today for lamenting.

Here’s the story: My children are amazing — I love them with a love like I’ve never known. It’s a unique, fiercely protective and loyal, deep, transcendent, forever kind of love. There is nothing I would rather do with my life. If you could offer me the chance to go back before my babies were born and choose a different path, I wouldn’t skip a beat in my answer: it would be a big, fat “no way!”.

My children bless, encourage, and warm my heart deeply every day, and they are more precious to me than life itself. I have so much purpose and so much meaning in everything that I do.

And also, motherhood is hard.

It’s not the kids themselves. Instead, it’s all of the other stuff… the messes, the meals, the laundry, the shopping, and the appointments. The sickness, teething, blow-out diapers, sleepless nights, and the normal, developmental behavioral issues. It’s the remembering to re-stock the diaper bag, switching out clothing sizes, and juggling marriage, homemaking, church, family, friends, and hobbies on the side: basically, all of the details and mental (and physical) load of life conglomerated into one big, bone-wearying level of exhaustion. Exhaustion that is unlike anything you’ve ever experienced before. Nothing will prepare you for weeks on end of little sleep, rocking a fussy newborn in the middle of the night, so unsure of what to do. That kind of depletion is just something you can’t know ‘til you’re in it. Or when your toddler throws a toy because they’re angry over being told, “no” and you’re left trying to control your own emotions while helping them process theirs, not to mention how to properly and effectively discipline? No one trains you for this. You learn as you go. And that process of learning? Well, there are plenty of growing pains that come with it. Yes, this is a hard role. This is hard work.

But, as Abbie from M is for Mama is famous for saying, “hard is not the same thing as bad.” And two things can be true at the same time; something can be good and hard at the same time. The blessing that motherhood is, does not mean it isn’t really tough — and the difficulties of being a mama don’t make this role void of rich, beautiful love and delight.

But, back to this morning. I simply said, while sitting in my women’s small group at church, that “[motherhood] is wonderful, but it’s also hard.” And I was met with multiple women nodding their agreement. Seasoned moms. Moms of three times the children I have. Foster moms. Moms who have been through the thick of it. And it was one of the most affirming moments of my life as a mom so far… a solidarity between myself and others mothers I know personally saying, “yes. It IS hard.”

I’ve always been really honest. Not necessarily blunt and outspoken, but honest when I do speak. So, I think it throws people off sometimes when I share that I find motherhood to be a wonderful, yet hard role. People like to hear about “wonderful” things. Nobody likes to hear about “hard” things. And honestly, I know so many women who seem like they never struggle. That no aspect of motherhood is hard for them and that they have it all together, wrapped up in a pretty bow. But the number of women (women from all walks of life) I saw agreeing with me today cemented in me even more than before that it’s important and needed to speak about these difficulties; to be vulnerable in the right moments with trustworthy people.

This takes discernment, but in that correct setting, it’s worth opening up your heart and being honest about your struggles if it means others are more able to share theirs. It’s worth being honest when that honesty helps someone else to feel more understood and less alone.

My pastor did a sermon series on the book of Lamentations a while back, and he said, “Lamenting is a prayer from a place of pain rooted in hope.” Scripture is filled with laments, and it’s not wrong to express difficult circumstances or emotions. King David filled the book of Psalms with his own laments. Jeremiah is known as, “the weeping prophet.” But these men… their hope was always in the Lord. And ours must be, too. Sharing your heart with the Lord builds intimacy with Him. As we welcome Jesus into the hurting places within our hearts, He is free to bring the comfort that we so long for; comfort that only He can give.

In the middle of walking through postpartum depression and anxiety, when all I could see was darkness, it was God I chose to go to. Over and over again. And in these less depressed, but still overwhelming days, as I walk through the ins and outs of mothering littles, it is Jesus to whom I still cling. Life can still be hard. After all, He never promised an easy life on earth. In fact, He clearly told us there would be trouble (John 16:33). But in the middle of the challenges, He is caring for our hearts. He is carrying us. And He will never, ever leave us (Deut. 31:8).

Knowing that lamenting through the hard bits of life — lamenting both in my relationship with the Lord through prayer and with people I can trust — benefits both of those relationships; all of those listeners… why wouldn’t I willingly take part in that?

Being honest. Being vulnerable. Lamenting. It may be uncomfortable. But the fruit can be so sweet.

In closing, to you first time mamas — wearing adult diapers, leaking breasts, eyelids heavy from sleepless nights and red-rimmed from crying: I see you. I was you. And even if you don’t feel as though there’s anyone on earth you can be vulnerable with to admit that this is actually really hard and you’re struggling… you are not alone. There are other women out there who know how you feel. And the Lord is near to you; nearer than your very breath. Motherhood is hard. Anything worth doing is hard. But simply remember: “hard is not the same thing as bad.” And this hard moment, it too shall pass. You’re doing amazingly. I’m rooting for you!

And to all of the other women out there… keep being honest. Keep using your past pain and current trials to encourage others. Keep loving others through their own hurts. Comfort them. Show compassion. Receive help. And in doing so, you’ll build community with other Believers that is rich, intimate, and wildly beautiful.